Thanks for your input. You act as though i can just change everything that easily. It isn't that simple for me. I can't help thinking these things. Lately, i have become worse for some reason. It's really tough for me to adjust to living with him. I was used to being on my own for awhile and not having anyone so close. I find it hard to be affectionate and to talk to him about this kinda stuff. I don't want to upset him, but i have in the past when my intentions were good. I just can't seem to figure out how to communicate my feelings in a good way and sometimes i am not even certain about what i am feeling. These negative emotions run through my mind all the time though and it's like i can't escape them. I am really uncomfortable with talking to strangers in person about these things so that's why i haven't gone to see a therapist. I am ashamed to be this depressed most of the time. The more i think about how troubled i am, the more depressed i feel too. I do try to relax all the time, but i've always had a really difficult time relaxing. Sometimes i get anxiety attacks when i get really upset. The only things that have helped me relax a little temporarily are taking a nice hot bath and listening to soft calming music. I can't do those things all the time though.