i havent posted about anything important in such a long time that i hope this doesnt come across as a rant...

today i went to my counciling session, i went with full intensions of not telling her the truth about how i felt. but when i got there my mouth sort of ran away with me.
i told her i had thoughts of taking my own life, as recently as yesterday. i told her about the voices i hear in my head.
all the time i was opening my mouth, i was thinking "stop talking you idiot".

but the long and short of the meeting is i have to wait for her to ring me next week, after she has spoken to my doctor.
she is trying to get me to see a P DOC. and has told me that she thinks i need more help then im getting right now, (it may mean a med change. . grrrr)

now im home again and im drained....... in need of sleep lots of sleep.