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Oct 09, 2009, 07:46 PM
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Member Since: Aug 2009
Location: Fringes of the bell-shaped curve
Posts: 779
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zen888
I have to first fill out the criminal record check at the police station then they mail me back the report. As for the child welfare check they will be sending me the forms to fill out and then I mail them back and then they mail me back.
Only a couple of weeks till you can all come to Zen's haunted brain house! Don't all line up at once!  |
 Hope you didn't mind me injecting a little humor there, Zen. When I was growing up, I was never allowed to speak - my parents, and later on my siblings, told me every single day how ugly, worthless, stupid, and retarded I was and that I couldn't possibly have anything intelligent or worthwhile to say. I couldn't write anything down either - no privacy - no respect for boundaries - anything in writing would be used against me. As a result, I pretty much lived in my head - everything was stored on audio and video tapes in my mind - I developed an incredible memory because of this - it was the only "safe" place for me - they couldn't touch my mind - they couldn't hurt me by taking anything away from me because everything of value to me was stored in my mind. Over time, however, this can become quite a burden because there is so much up there. Several decades ago, I learned that I had to really work to shut my mind off just so I could sleep. I got to where I would yell at it and tell it to "SHUT UP! I DON'T CARE - I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!" Then I developed a sense of humor about it - learned to just chuckle at the way it would go off on it's little tangents - I learned to be kind to it, love it, appreciate it, and cherish it like a little child - learned to care for that little child mind the way my parents and siblings never cared for me. Over the years, it gradually got quieter, calmer, and more focused and manageable.
I tell you this, Zen, because I want you to learn to be kinder to your mind and brain when it does it's little things - don't get so upset about it - don't berate yourself about it - it is what it is and it's a part of you - our little brains are just differently abled. I think you're a great person - caring, considerate, and kind to others - learn to be that way towards yourself, too. Laughing with you, but never at you, luv. 
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"I walked a mile with Pleasure; she chattered all the way, But left me none the wiser for all she had to say. I walked a mile with Sorrow and ne'er a word said she; But oh, the things I learned from her when Sorrow walked with me!"
(Robert Browning Hamilton; "Along The Road")
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