(((((((((((((((Moon)))))))))))))))))))

From what you've said in the past, it sounds like there was a time you were ready to talk about the memories with desk T, and SHE seemed like she didn't want to hear them. Of course that would shut you down.

Last year, I tried to talk to T about my October triggers. I couldn't say the words so I wrote a letter...and I was so scared that I went and sat on the bathroom floor while he read the letter. I don't remember how he reacted, but I remember feeling like HE didn't want to hear about it/talk about it. And I dropped it until this year!! And of course my T wasn't trying to shut me down...but I think we are so scared to tell (and have been told not to tell, and can't trust ourselves around telling) that we look for ANY sign that we shouldn't tell and it's so easy to just shut ourselves down. And that was with MY t, who obviously wants to be there for me and help me through this stuff. It seems really natural that you wouldn't be able to "go there" with desk T, who gave you absolutely no indication that she cared to hear about your past.

I think it will be different with ftt. I think when you are ready, you will bring it up. And maybe you ARE ready now, and maybe you aren't...I don't think you have to force yourself. I DO think you will know (maybe you already do). And I think ftt will hear you, and you won't have to shut back down and not deal with it. I think ftt will help you heal.