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lynn09 · Oct 10, 2009, 12:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zen888

I need to have closure with a friendship that I ended this summer. I want to write a kind and polite e-mail to my former friend. But all I can come up with is my anger and frustration I have towards her. She has OCD, bad temper, need to be in control of her environment and other people, perfectionist...etc. All these traits annoy me and affect my moods. It became a chore to be her friend rather than something I looked forward to. I could never truly be myself around her I felt as though I had to walk on egg shells and sugar coat whatever I had to say to her.

Zen, try writing your note to your friend from the "I" perspective, rather than the "you" ("It's not you, it's me.") Just because you care about someone, that doesn't necessarily mean that you can "live" with them. Let her know that your current problems are making it difficult for you to maintain the friendship with her. Of course, Zen, as time passes and you are able to function better, you may be able to rekindle the friendship with her if you so desire. You may at some point want to explain this to your friend's father since you are going to maintain a relationship with him Perhaps if he understands the difficulties you are having personally, he could help his daughter understand, as well. You're just closing the door for now, but you don't have to lock it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zen888

I have received some negative or hurtful feedback in PC that I come across as needy. When I write my posts I am sincerely asking for advice and guidance. I have no close friends to confide in nor do I have a mental health support team. The comments or replies you have all posted on this thread have helped me greatly. I feel more relaxed and emotionally balanced. Even though I know I tend to repeat the same issue over and over again.

I'm so sorry that others have been so insensitive as to criticize and hurt you this way. I have been following your threads for some time now, and it is true that you repeat some of the same issues - but these issues are repeating in your life because (1) that is a component of your particular mental illness, and (2) these issues have yet to be resolved, and (3) you haven't yet developed the skills and techniques to help you reduce this activity. You will always have a tendency to do this to some extent because of your mental illness, but right now you are trying to understand this mechanism so that you CAN develop those techniques and skills. It's not like, "We've already told you what to do about this, so why are you asking us again?" It takes time for your brain to assimilate the information you receive - and that requires constant repetition of that input to get it firmly implanted into your brain so that you are able to retrieve it successfully (review your comments about your focus and concentration difficulties in reading). By all means, Zen, keep posting about those issues again, and again, and again so that we can respond again, and again, and again - this IS the requisite process for you to absorb, comprehend, retain, retrieve, and apply the information you receive. As you said, you are already "more relaxed and emotionally balanced" as a result of performing this repetitive issue/response technique, thus far. Just think how much more you are going to improve as we continue this process. Keep up the good work, Zen.

Perhaps those who have criticized you for this need to educate themselves better about your particular mental illness and this particular component of your mental illness BEFORE they provide feedback to you.