I have a hard time letting things go and can last for hours, day, weeks, or months. The worst part of this issue, I seem to tell everyone what I am going thru! I go over the same issue, over and over and over again.

These issues can be little things that set me off or are major blow outs when I am paranoid, angry, and finally depressed.

Here is one example of a major occurrence that set me off for several months. My boyfriends family wanted to plan a surprise party for him and didn’t discuss this with me, I was told that they have already started and need $200.00 and I will pay for the food.

I sat for awhile and held it in; I really wanted to tell them off. The party was in December and this was August. You probably know what is going to happen. I ruined the surprise and gave him an ultimatum, either me or his family or me!

Every time I had a chance, I would let him know just how I feel and the argument would go on for hours and days, than stop. It was we were at the circus and I was the show.

Finally his birthday came up it had been several months later when, I totally ruined it; I went off on his friends and his family, I made a total Jackxx of myself but for that whole weekend I would not let it go, afterwards I started feeling terrible and my mania was out of control out was out of control. I had so many ups and downs. I was self destructive and could not function at work.

I tried to reach out to my friends and my boyfriend but their advice was annoying, they would say comments like this, “to settle down and get a hobby”. “I would respond I cant settle down settle down, it’s not about having a hobby, I am suffering from bipolar and now this gets good, there is no such thing and it all in my head I can’t let things bug me.

My point to this long winded story, how can I prevent this rage and paranoia and the constant feeling like I am always doing something wrong? I need to learn to have a filter and stop thinking everyone is out to get me and expressing those feeling to anyone who will listen.