Hi, i'm in need of a bit of insight. I found this site jus over a week ago wen i did a test for Bipolar. I've suffered with depression for over 10yrs but recently an wen i look back over the yrs there have been incidents which i think may have been manic episodes. The test i did for Bipolar said that i scored hi for it. So i took it to my doctor an she sent me for a psych assessment but they were more concerned with my depression. I wasn't totally honest wi them about my highs, not purposely because i was a bit overwhelmed at being there on my own. I didn't tell them that wen i'm on a 'high' i find it increasingly difficult to concentrate an think straight. I don't sleep or eat an i jump from one topic to another rapidly an can come across as rude but i'm not. I Spend most of my money on things i don't need mainly alcohol an cocain. I'm ashamed to say that wen i'm in this state i have slept with many lads some who i didn't even no at all not even their name. This is unusual behaviour for me cos i'm really shy an can't bear ppl touchin me! I don't remember much of what happened with these lads cos i sort of switch off. Also a few months ago i jump out of a movin taxi an was nearly killed. This was during one of my 'highs' i've only recently admitted to myself it was a suicide attempt. Also a few yrs ago coming to the end of a 'high' i held a knife to my brothers throat an threatend to kill him! Cos he'd done something accidently but i lost it completely an i don't really remember much bout what happened only i didn't harm him jus really scared him which i'm deeply sorry for! An will never forgive myself for!
I don't really no what all this means or if i do have Bipolar all i no is there is something not right with me! Ppl often refer to me as jekyl an hyde :-( Pls help. Any insight would be great!