Echoes,
Wow, this is so fascinating. Kohut is the "father" of the self-psychology movement. I think T must have studied a lot of his writings because I feel like my "false, shame based self" is reflected in that passage. I too think back to my infancy, trying to figure out where it all went "wrong." I must have gotten something because I have been able to be attuned to my own children. However, there was only 19 months between my elder brother and me and he was the only boy (adored). My grandmother helped out and she did not like me for whatever reason. I know she was abusive when I was in childhood and we were left in her care. I can only imagine that she was abusive to me as an infant as well. This explains the shame based M.O. My mother was a victim herself -- of my grandmother and my father's alcoholic rages. So in truth I don't think she had all that much of a sense of self to offer and what she did, my brother got.

Now I have to go read the rest of the article.

Blue--I think the healing comes in the context of therapeutic relationship. So on a very real level -- although you liked and respected her -- you did need more than desk T could offer. Your baby self needs much more nurturing and positive reflection.

Melba--how about sharing some apple pie?