Im glad you agree, when I was reading it, it sounded so much like the specific feelings I have that are related to my bpd behviors/feelings. But in a baby. It made me wonder. I feel very much like my feelings are baby-ish, I dont mean that in a judgemental way toward myself. I mean that I need "babying" and in some way that I can only be in touch with in a an intuitive way, the baby I once was (and still have inside of me) is crying and yearning for love.

I also think that. When you post about your childhood, I say YES YES YES! We are sharing a brain .
The thread about insecure attachment was a little too much for me to read. Because that is me and it seemed a little too painful. I did go back and read it some, and I will do it again...even if it ends pushed to another page....

[quuoteI asked T once if, since we internalize our early caregivers, could we also internalize their feelings that resulted in neglect? If we internalize "I don't like/love you" from them, then it becomes part of our psychological makeup, it becomes our own feelings toward ourselves. From outside of us we perceive it as it is used toward us, we internalize it and then use it toward ourselves. "You are no good, unworthy, unlovable..." becomes "I am no good, unworthy, unlovable".[/quote]

What a good question for t. It does look like that what happened. And it seems like the beginning of bpd patterns. How I feel about myself and the people around me. Did you shut down really young from your mother? Or did you keep trying? I dont know when I shut down, as far as I remember I must have shut down. But there just may have been times I kept tyring and dont specifically remember yet.

I could have written that word for word. I hope it isnt true- but this is me, this is my life. I cannot imagine losing that empty, sad, alone place. The place not even the love of children can touch. Id have to wake up in the morning as a different person. (I have wondered what it is like to wake up as someone else...a happy person).