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Originally Posted by MissCharlotte
Echoes,
Wow, this is so fascinating. Kohut is the "father" of the self-psychology movement. I think T must have studied a lot of his writings because I feel like my "false, shame based self" is reflected in that passage. I too think back to my infancy, trying to figure out where it all went "wrong." I must have gotten something because I have been able to be attuned to my own children.
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(((((Miss C)))) I also feel that this false, shame-based self is at the core of who I am. I think in some way I must have gotten something from them, too, because I am attuned to my children. What I imagine is that the mothering I got was extremely inconsistent. And then I craved what glimmer of hope and love I might have briefly seen. When I didnt get that, I just knew it was me and my fault. But I am able to give to my children, especially as babies, the love I wanted on a consistent basis.
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However, there was only 19 months between my elder brother and me and he was the only boy (adored). My grandmother helped out and she did not like me for whatever reason. I know she was abusive when I was in childhood and we were left in her care. I can only imagine that she was abusive to me as an infant as well. This explains the shame based M.O. My mother was a victim herself -- of my grandmother and my father's alcoholic rages. So in truth I don't think she had all that much of a sense of self to offer and what she did, my brother got.
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((((((MIss C))))) It is very sad, tragic, how it is passed on from generation to generation. And how much work and pain it takes to break the cycle.
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Blue--I think the healing comes in the context of therapeutic relationship. So on a very real level -- although you liked and respected her -- you did need more than desk T could offer. Your baby self needs much more nurturing and positive reflection.
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I hope so, I really hope so. I have been sort of stuck on ftt being CBT and that isnt what I need. She has said she is "eclectic" which is good, too. And she knows I have had my share of behavioral therapy. She has been great so far, but I wanted a psychodynamic t. She has said specifically said she wasnt trained that way and doesnt do that. It made my heart sink. But she is good anyway. Very good. It is my instinct that I will only be able to heal at this point through experiencing the loving and care with a therapist. A realtionship so different than that of RL, like my h or kids. I need a therpautic relationship to heal the deeper wounds. Someplace where my baby self can go and "speak." Desk-t had some strengths, but allowing my baby self to show herself wasnt one of them
