i was diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, after my first suicide attempt at 13. recently have been diagnosed bipolar, and it makes sense.

i need some advice on recent events. guess i have been having a mixed episode for some time. i think anyway. or was hypomanic.

its all still new to me.

but, anyway, i have hung my life upsde down so many tmes iin my life, and now, its as though im doing it again, with no idea what is real anymore.

i decided that i would end a loving relationship for no real reason, decide to move near my ex, plan the excitng life i would have dating others, leave my job, get an amazing better one, rule the world all that crap.

its liek i dont love anyone or anytng, but get the hgh of being in love...have the energy of a 1000, make the wittyest remarks, am not afraid of anything, and can face any event that shows up. then nothing. nothing n me, nothing but just hiding at home. and all just can happen in a day, soemtimes a week, or 2 weeks.

****. i feel like crap now. and have lost my freinds and boyfreind.

its hard for me to see whats goign on when i feel so good, but now, i cant do anything. now i can see it.

ow do i kneo when i feel anythign real, thata i can count on mysself to tell myself the truth?

im not on any meds right now, need a new dr.

i guess im not sayign much of anything, sorry to watse your time.

just go myself into another big jam, and dont knwo how to get out. dont know wat i wqs thinking at all.