Mismis it's o.k. to feel sorry for yourself! You are going through a lot! I'm so sorry your meds aren't working for you.
I'm sure you're wishing that you could at least sleep. I know in the past when I've had times like these I've wished that I could sleep. Have asked your T. about possibly using trazadone. That's what I been taking for years to help me sleep. Even now I can sleep without it and it's been around 30 years since I was first diagnosed with PTSD.