I handled my T's workshop and lecture fine. But seeing her in "Real Life" today was challenging and triggering. I know why. She was with her family, and I saw her put her hand through her grandson's hair, in an affectionate manner. I had never seen her with her grandchildren before, though I saw photos of them. I asked her their names and she told me. But that was about all of our conversation and I felt like my heart was going to break.

I have grandchildren of my own. I wasn't jealous of my T. I know it was transference--old feelings from the past. I wanted to be that little boy. Am I pathetic? I see why it's really difficult to see one's T outside of therapy.

Seeing her almost ruined my whole day, but I discussed it with my friend who knows her. After that I felt better, but I still feel the ache of longing. I don't know how else to describe it. I don't want to tell my T because I have to be able to cope with seeing her at times. It's unavoidable. I am going to be seeing her for therapy every 4 months except for emergency sessions. This is not an emergency, but it hurts. Any suggestions for what to tell myself or do? I feel better, but I can't get that picture of her with the kids, out of my mind! I was recently with my own grandchildren, but with my T, I want to be the child. It's an old feeling, so how am I supposed to cope with it?