I guess the weaker side is tough to let in, I think for many years I have had to be strong and in a defensive position. So seeing a weaker side of me is definitely scary. I guess I am afraid of what comes in when I am weak.

With practice your strong side protects your weak side..........

Your comment on T getting closer is prob head on....I usually push people back by now and especially if they are a guy. I can get so close to people but then back off....totally just say "ok thats far enough. Dont come any closer or I will never be able to talk to you again"
Definitely a scary situation, though I dont want to push him back (thank God) I want his help. Strange that I have not gotten to this point with him...I am glad ... but maybe that is why I am so anxious too.

This is a good realization. You can work through this. Keep being aware and talking to your T and here too if it helps while you work through it......