so now what?

that's 2 appointments i've missed and two messages which haven't been followed up. i am trying to think of other reasons for why pdoc hasn't been in touch, but i am pulling up blanks. possibilities (and refutations):

- something bad has happened to pdoc/he needed to go elsewhere on short notice. his reception did not let me know because i am not on their books anymore. BUT surely he would have received my messages, and could have let me in on the loop then. also, Austin-T would have mentioned something to check in with me if it had been something catastrophic.

- he is not receiving my messages/has lost his phone etc. unlikely because a) Austin-T has been receiving my txts, which i sent at the same time, b) if he really didnt receive my txts, it still doesn't explain why pdoc didn't call when i didn't go to my appts. even if he has lost his phone, he still has my number on file.

i can't think of any other reasonable explanation. which leaves me with:
- pdoc is ignoring deli. for whatever reason. maybe it is something i've done, or not done. maybe he is just sick of my continued presence. maybe he has got in trouble with the hospital for consulting my privately there because i'm not an inpatient (but if so, i would think he would let me know that the situation had changed). so yeah. i'm stuck with pdoc is ignoring deli, and he dislikes her so much that he can't be bothered to follow up with her.

now, the thing is - i'm doing quite well at the moment. BUT i do have some paperwork that needs filling in (refund of uni fee's, scholarship support letter, honours application). the scholarship support letter was due last friday. my uni had encouraged me to apply because they thought i would be a suitable candidate, and given that i no longer have a job, i could really have done with the financial support. i spoke to them about the situation, and they gave me a few days grace to get my letter in early this week. i am going to be majorly disappointed if my application is rejected as incomplete because i couldn't get in touch with pdoc in time.

anyway. if it weren't for the scholarship thing, i wouldn't care. i mean, i would care a bit, but i'm kind of over it too and i dont need pdoc right now anyway - i'm managing ok on my own. so i'm kind of angry that he might be getting my messages and thinking that i need him, when in reality i only need him for administrative stuff. if i had someone else to turn to for this stuff, then i would.

i dont know how much to pursue this. the scholarship is a lot of money and would cover the fees for the rest of my degree, as well as provide money for text books, computer access, printing etc. but at the same time, i dont want to call pdoc again if he is just going to ignore me anyway. there have been 4 instances now in which he could have contacted me, so i dont think it's a matter of forgetting. and anyway, the absolute last day to get the form filled out is wednesday - calling him tomorrow (tues) is pretty useless unless he's prepared to return my call AND offer to see me on wed to fill out the forms.

argh. i really really really dislike pdoc right now.