Thanks, Brightheart. I'm going to work on asking my H. for comforting. I tried to explain how I felt to him, but he, as usual, didn't respond to me in a comforting way. His words sounded loud and critical to me, and made me feel ashamed of my feelings for my T. But he will hug me when I ask, so I need to ask him more, and see if that helps.

Yes, tree. What you wrote is very helpful. My inclination is to DO something to make the pain go away. In the past I would call my T, but I know that she can't make it go away. It hurts so much to feel it, and not run. It makes me realize that I've got to live with this, and that's it's real. I've been trying to deny that I could feel so bad because it doesn't make sense. I was a wanted baby, and loved. So, whether it's due to being a preemie, or just the way my brain is wired, or a combination, I've got to accept that the pain is real. I don't have to justify why I feel it. I just DO.

Knowing that it's old pain is something I want to remember because I don't want to lash out at my T. It's not her fault. In a way, I felt like my observing her being affectionate with her family was intrusive. She wasn't there in her T role, so I had no business being so interested in her. The pain is mine, not hers.

Thanks, tree.