Thank you for the replies. I am fighting the urge to call my T to tell her how I felt. I always want to do that, maybe so I could have that connection JUST FOR ME again. I am a hopeless therapy addict. I would never be ready to quit therapy because I want that attention all the time no matter whom I get it from in my life apart from therapy.

It's like I have to get rid of the last interaction by creating a new one that's more to my liking. Does that make sense? I want to call so I will feel attached again. In RL with her grandkids, I was separate from her. I don't want to be regressing, though. I know I'm separate from her.

BlueMoon, it is very hard to get rid of the image of her with her hand around her grandson's neck and hair. It's like the last scene of a movie where the credits come on. I've got to change the picture, but part of me doesn't want to. Why would that be? Do I want to hurt myself? There's something important about this trigger, and I need to find it. It's about the attention, and T knows I always want her complete attention. I didn't get it in RLfrom her because I didn't pay for it. I got SOME of it, which is usually good enough, but not this time when it's a movie scene!!!!

I didn't want attention as a child, but I did underneath. When you're shy you get ignored a lot. I don't know. I wanted attention, but I didn't. This is SO confusing. I'm sure I discussed it in therapy at some point, so why can't I let it go already? I've got more important stuff to focus on right now; my brain can't handle this stress from the past, and I'm just rambling on and on for no reason.