BlueMoon, it is very hard to get rid of the image of her with her hand around her grandson's neck and hair. It's like the last scene of a movie where the credits come on. I've got to change the picture, but part of me doesn't want to. Why would that be? Do I want to hurt myself? There's something important about this trigger, and I need to find it. It's about the attention, and T knows I always want her complete attention. I didn't get it in RLfrom her because I didn't pay for it. I got SOME of it, which is usually good enough, but not this time when it's a movie scene!!!!
I didn't want attention as a child, but I did underneath. When you're shy you get ignored a lot. I don't know. I wanted attention, but I didn't. This is SO confusing. I'm sure I discussed it in therapy at some point, so why can't I let it go already? I've got more important stuff to focus on right now; my brain can't handle this stress from the past, and I'm just rambling on and on for no reason.