Hello,
This is my first post here, so please bear with me...
I've been seperated from my ex-husband since March 2008, in May 2008 I started dating a man who was my knight in shining armour. He helped me get my house ready to sell, supported me through my ex's attempted suicide, even insisted that my two children and I move in when my basement flooded in August 2008.
My boyfriend is 35, he dated one other woman for 3 years (breaking up 2 years ago), who turned out to be a lesbian, and let him to be with a woman.
BF has always been very private, and very much "me" oriented. Though for a year he was acting like a boyfriend should, if not a little hard on my children. He's serbian, and his family is very controlling, and very well off.
He is very much into role playing games, comic books, and spends all his extra money on his hobbies, despite the house which he owns outright (no mortgage) suffers with a roof that needs replacing etc. When I moved in I had no money, going bankrupt from my ex husband stealing all the money out of our accounts.
I was very scared after the seperation, that I would lose BF, I was adjusting to my kids being gome part of the time (after ex husband cleaned up his act), and generally feeling like I couldn't move on until BF proposed..which to me was an assurance that he wanted me and my kids in his life forever.
Up until July BF had always said he would marry me, we looked at rings, but he would always start a huge arguement with me when I asked when we were moving forward with "couple" decisions, such as when we wanted to get married, when should we fix the the roof etc. My financial situation has gotten much better in the last year,thanks to him because he wasn't charging me rent. We work for the same agency, though I make twice his salary.
He put conditions on us getting engaged that I had to be divorced and completely out of debt, I agreed to that, and did everything I could to meet those conditions - my divorce is almost final, and my debts are only 1/4 of what they were a year ago.
What I have noticed of BF from the beginning is that he gets too locked in his own mind, he gets to angry over small things, though he accuses me of being the angry one. I do have a temper, and it has come out more recently because I feel like everything is his decision.
In July he told me he dosen't want to have more children, when he knows I want one more. Then it became he couldn't handle my kids because they "impeded his fun". Then we shoved eachother during an arguement and he hyper extended my thumb...
Now, for two months, every weekend he have the same arguement - one where he wants to break up with me, then we decide to "try" again. During the week he is reassuring, telling me he just got overwhelmed, then once the weekend comes and the kids are with their dad, I get told that he no longer wants to be with me.
Two weeks ago, after my stating I wasn't comfortable with a woman at his office calling him everything morning, and him assuring me that he wanted nothing but an occasional lunch with a friend, they kissed one evening after work - when he told me he was coming home.
I know I made mistakes in the relationship, but I've always seen an arguement as an arguement - he's never been in a relationship where people yell at eachother - I grew up where my parents and I yelled at eachother constantly and my parents fought constantly- we got it out of our system, and it was over.
I'm so lost right now, I started my life over, my daughter is in school, girl guides, great daycare. I should mention where i live is only a few blocks from where I grew up, so my daughter goes to the same school I went too. BF has never lost anything, never been responsible to anyone or anything - he only got his job because I encouraged it - before that he was a biologist works as a part time limo driver.
So after "breaking up" again this weekend, then decided to try and work it out, I don't know where I stand - everytime we kiss I feel like its the last time, I don't know what to expect from him but pain now. I don't know how someone goes from wanting to marry someone to being so hurtful and mean.
I know breaking up is inevitable, but I hesitate because of my kids, I don't want to disrupt their lives, I want my loving BF back, and I play eveything over in my mind, wondering what I did wrong.