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Originally Posted by rainbow8
tree, that hits home for me. I want to be important to my T, and have that special connection. It hurts that while it's real, I have to pay for it. I also had problems separating from my Mom, so that is a major reason I have trouble separating from my T. I wish I could stay attached forever.
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You can separate from your therapist and still hold the attachment. It's challenging, but it's possible. Being away from family members for years at a time doesn't stop you from loving them and caring for them. I think we really have to trust in the connection to let it go. That secure attachment thing...
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
The pain started when my T "ignored" me and paid attention solely to her family. I wanted her there for me.
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That could be it right there. Being ignored makes one feel unimportant. I've been there with that, but didn't realize that I'd ever felt that way during childhood until therapy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
I remember when we watched family movies my parents told me I used to cry because my brother is 5 yrs. older than I am, so the first 5 years I wasn't in the movies! My Dad loved to take family movies. There are plenty of me too, but not for 5 years. I asked how come I'm not in them, not understanding that I wasn't born yet.
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Sounds like the same theme. For some reason you're feeling left out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
I think a lot is also due to my wanting the attention but not knowing how to ask for it. When I was about 10, I hurt my finger but never told my parents. It must have been broken because it's still crooked. I worried about physical problems but never confided in my Mom. Yet I was attached to her. Something was wrong. I have wanted to tell my T everything and want her to be there for me like my Mom was, and wasn't. I couldn't be comforted if I didn't tell my mother what was wrong.
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Once when I was about 6 years old I woke up during the night with a high fever. I didn't want to disturb my father, so I just put my head down on his pillow and said nothing.
For some reason your cries went unheard. Maybe a lack of emotional attunement between you and your mom? Of course she loved you, but maybe there was a difference in temperaments and response in that she didn't understand your messages and you didn't know how best to get them across.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
So, my Mom gave me the attention all of the time, but she didn't comfort me because she didn't know that I needed comforting. I guess.
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Kind of goes along with lack of attunement again.