Hi Chris and welcome. I think you will find a wonderful group of people here that can and will lend you thoughts and a comforting shoulder to lean on.

I'd like to say I pretty much agree with everyone for the most part. You've been bitten by a very mean monster and that wound will take a lot of time and thought before it heals.

I was a victim of this same thing, except my wife (now ex - THANK GOD) cheated on me with women as well as men. Talk about degrading! So I know those emotions you are feeling. And while for the most part still cling to my earliest convictions concerning my ex-wife, have also seen there was more to the story than just her affairs.

And so I am going to come from a different angle. I've found that people rarley change overnight if at all. Sure, I guess it could happen and there are always exceptions to every rule - but it seldom if ever happens.

I don't know much about your relationship with your wife, and that is something that you would know better than anyone else, so at this time, it is very important for you to think these things through.

A relationship always takes two people. Let me ask you, and please - don't think I am picking on you because I'm not. I'm just trying to get you to look at the overall picture - something I wasn't able to do until a lot of time had past. What was your relationship with your wife like? I mean - did you make her the center of your life? Did she know by verbal communication and physical communication how much you loved her? And most importantly now maybe - Could you have been a better husband, lover and friend to her?

The reason I'm asking is simple - sure she made a mistake - a really BIG mistake, but here's the deal - is it really all her fault? People are a fragile creature at best - full of emotions and fears and hopes and dreams. Sometimes in a busy everyday life - people can be overcome with insecurities and even react stupidly in certain situations - meaning they do really crazy and silly things when later, they might not have.

So - I would advise you - if you truely loved this woman, and she loved you, to see if you can't work thru things while you can. On the otherhand - IF you honesty answered my question yes - I've been a great husband and that lying two time Witch still cheated on me - then by all means go ahead with your divorce and put as much distance between you and her as fast as you can.

I know it is easy to get caught up in the hurt - the pain and make decisions on how we feel at that time. The important thing is to step back and look at the overall picture of before and present.

An d if you do this - you need time to deal with what has happened. I have to admit that while dating other women at this time may help to occupy your mind, desires and time - it will not mean you are in anyway ready to move forward with any kind of a serious relationship. I would think - any relationship you would have would be more of a rebound relationship and they never turn out like one would think.

I hope I have not offended you. It was not my purpose or intent, but rather, a hope I could get you to see it from the other side, mainly because, a marriage is two people working together thru good AND bad times - and I would hate to see you walk away from somthing so easily that you may later wish you had kept. I've found divorces are usually ugly and often permanent.

You have my best wishes.

Your friend Sam

Anyone can say I love you, but actions speak louder than words.