Hi, Googley!

Regarding Suicide & Control: I am vaguely aware of a school of thought that suicide is one possible reaction to chronic pain, either physical or psychological. The idea runs something like this: the subject feels helpless in the face of their chronic pain and so may consider suicide to overcome their helplessness, to gain control over their fate.

This view of suicide made its way into the Tom Hanks film Cast Away. At one point Tom Hanks' character, marooned for years on an uninhabited island, plans to take his own life in order to regain "control" (I don't remember the lines, but he has an interesting discussion about the suicide idea with Wilson the volleyball).

It may be possible (?) your therapist asked if you "have these feelings as a way to feel like I'm in control" in order to gauge the depth of your pain, depression and suicide risk. I really don't know, but that may be an alternate way of interpreting the question put to you.

Wishing you well with your T and therapy in general!