I've never been good at opening up but recently things I have gotten about 10x worse. Every time I try and speak about emotions I feel physically sick. It feels stupid - kinda like the feeling of guilt but not quite.

It's so frustrating having that feeling. When people try and talk to me about my problems I just seem to want to desolve into the ground, and just friggin shout really loud. BANG!!! It just feels...stupid. And like I said I feel sick - really sick.

GRR.

And also recently I have been very depressed but I just really don't want to talk about it. But even when i do want to it just...ARGH!.

Whenever I see my T I just say yeah everything's fine it's all been going good etc when I know it hasnt but. I just cant ****ing talk about it!

Sorry for cursing but I am really frustrated and disappointed and I am getting the feeling now right ing it and I just want to self harm or scream really load. GRRR!

I am sometimes amazingly depressed. But. Not because of my problems - because of my mum's.

Recently...her work got rid of her position (care co-ordinator) so she had to re-apply and get the job as AMD (the new position that replaces care co-ordinator). Before that she'd been working for company for 4 years as a carer, 1 year as a team facilitator and about 3 months as a care co-ordinator. The change of position meant a pay cut of more than £2000 per year (about $3,190). So she re applied and about 1 week later she got told she got the job. Another 2 weeks later, and then they told her that she hadn't. Why ? Because someone who had been in the company for only 2 years took the final place. So she's got an even shittier job now. And she was crying her eyes out about it.

****. LIFE ****ING SUCKS!