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It's always about fear of rejection for me. Abandonment issues...yeah, I've got stories, too. I find someone that I feel close with and.......and........well I'm trying to figure this out. A love that takes my breath away on one level after another after another then I wonder where the rug went. I'm tired of birthing this beautiful thing with so damn many tears.

It's time to pick this paragraph up and play with it again. I can't say why, but I guess the emotional pain is ripe today.

"A mighty pain to love it is,
And 'tis a pain that pain to miss;
But of all pains, the greatest pain
It is to love, but love in vain." - 1st century BC Roman poet Catullus

This poem captures my heart. It sheds my tears of unrequited love. Vainly born of a resting sun amongst soft wind and salty breezes.

"Anna, thy charms my bosom fire,
And waste my soul with care;
But ah! how bootless to admire,
When fated to despair!
Yet in thy presence, lovely Fair,
To hope may be forgiven;
For sure 'twere impious to despair
So much in sight of heaven." - Robert Burns "Anna, Thy Charms"

The despair of rejection. Especially when never openly discussed. The torment and aching, longing for what will never be. I torture myself! Imagining heaven as fiery as hell and the seductive bliss beginning with a long exploring kiss. But only in my mind. I am so mean to me.