Dearest Fuzzy, I am so glad that you have written this post! Reaching out and communicating is how you get better and the stuff that is the most painful to say, or most embarrassing, etc., is the stuff that needs to be said the most.
I can see how others can see in you, your list down there. The thing is they don't understand WHY they see these things in you. Furthermore, why you do things on the inside, and how they look on the outside, and are seen by others, has a HUGE DISCONNECT! Few people have the ability to really look at someone and understand what they are seeing. Heck, most people don't understand themselves, how can they understand anyone else! - Especially the most vulnerable and wounded among us. So, my dearest Fuzzy, some understanding is needed here and I think that it starts with you understanding yourself better and your environment and how the two interact (because you cannot depend on progress from the actions of others! The best progress is what is under your control!)
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Originally Posted by Fuzzybear
Lazy - they are seeing this, but maybe they are seeing this because you don't know what you need to do!
withdrawn - from fear of others???
insecure - yeah! They should have experienced what you did while growing up! Anyone would have the same outcome as you - insecurity!
immature - well, duh, all of us here came into adulthood at the emotional level of a preschooler! Correct emotional development requires a healthy parent and if you didn't have that what else would you have but immaturity!
selfish - this comes with the emotional immaturity. Children are self centered. If you don't develop emotionally, you don't progress beyond this developmental milestone. I remember being there myself until I progressed emotionally........
self conscious - yeah, all of us were there at one time. I worked really hard on this one. If you don't have healthy self-worth you are self conscious.......
needy - makes sense to me. If you had crap for parenting and, therefore, didn't learn how to meet your needs (or even identify them) you are going to incredibly needy.
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Fuzzy, all of your
symptoms make perfect sense considering where you came from. What is missing here is a step by step plan that will lead you out of this. Everyone around you is screaming "Look at you! You are a mess! Now get better now!" Well, duh, don't they realize that you would have done this if you knew how! You need to understand all the little steps between where you are now and how to get to the end of your healing journey. It seems that no one who is able to help you, figured out exactly where you are now so that they could help to lead you out. A person can't scream from 2 miles away in the dark "hey, I'm over here, get your butt over here". They need to come find you and hold your hand and help you to walk out yourself step by step..........