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Elysium · Oct 15, 2009, 05:36 PM

My T and I had been working together for about 5 years. We were aware that I had complex PTSD and co-morbid depression...and that I had some dissociative experiences. Then...last November, all Hell broke loose in my life and stress level, which was high at the time...pretty much tripled.

Was going along with life...but still felt so broken and nothing T could say or teach me about made me feel any less broken.

One day in February of this year, when I was on the computer....I was looking for research on complex PTSD...looking for answers...I started to watch some YouTube videos to help myself relax and all of the sudden all the voices in my head started introducing themselves to me. Some told me names...some just gave ages or roles that they played in the system.

I freaked!! I thought I was losing it and crazy for sure. I started researching psychosis and finally googled something like "voices inside head" and it took me to a site that discussed dissociation and DID/MPD.....

Literally at that moment....everything made sense to me....in a really scary and creepy way.

I was so scared to talk to my T about it....afraid she would laugh...kick me out of her office...yell at me...or worse, hospitalize me that I literally couldn't bring myself to tell her what I was experiencing...plus a couple insiders were telling me to keep my mouth shut.

I ended making a short video for her regarding my experiences and what was happening. She watched and she found a specialist in DID and the DD's to do some testing and some interviews with me. The day I went to meet with this doctor....I thought for sure that I was crazy and that there was nothing wrong with me and that I was a goon for thinking I could even possibly have DID....but I ultimately was diagnosed that day.

It was weird......the sense of my life being over at that moment combined with this really weird sense of relief at the same time.

Now, I see it as a blessing....Now things make sense....and I do not feel as lost as I used to before coming to understand this disorder.

Hope this helps you on your journey....