My Support Forums - View Single Post - I have reached out and still have no friends..

lynn09 · Oct 15, 2009, 06:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CK23

@ Lynn09, I agree with what you say... and i have been acting exactly how you describe i should... I thought to myself that i should be a friend to her but only on her terms and i think her and i have some differences i mean she walks with a different crowd... my family is very conservative... It's just that you know it feels good when someone says 'Hi dude how are you, what stuff's been going on'... i wish someone would call me and say those things... someone who really liked my company liked the person i am and not just cos they were bored and had nothing to look forward to... I have been keeping it together guess i'm so used to being alone that it doesnt have the same sting anymore... though i gotta tell ya that when it does sting the pain is overwhelming... i feel like a stupid whiner, i'm gonna help you out whenever you come across some trouble too... this is starting to feel selfish now... this is my third post on this thread and i havent helped you out with anything... Really, just these few replies i got seem overwhelming cos i realize the trash you guys go through each day to make a living and then you still find time to reply to all these self centered msgs... really makes you wonder that life aint all messed up as it appears to be... i owe you one, really!

Please - no self-recriminations, CK23. The thing most people don't realize is that when they post, even when they think they are "whiners," you help others see a part of themselves outside of themselves. Even when I am thinking about what you say and how you are perceiving your situation, it helps me focus in on maybe just one little aspect of my own issues to see it more clearly. Sometimes some of us need more attention - we're just in the kind of spot that we need to deal with certain issues NOW - that's the time to post away and get as much support and insight from others as you can possibly stand! But, never think that you are creating any kind of a burden for anyone here. Like I said, even when we are helping you and others, we are also helping ourselves. We're all in the trenches here.

I also appreciated Monsieur's input: "Social communication and friendship is such a delicate and intricate process." Absolutely right! It is the most delicate of diplomatic dances - a skill more learned than innate. Personally, I always found social interactions excruciatingly painful. Growing up in my abusive and hypercritical family stunted my social development. What I said to you in my previous post is the result of a lifetime of struggling with this very delicate and intricate process. I have worked very, very hard, hard, hard to get to the point that I am now more concerned about making others feel comfortable in my presence than worrying about me being comfortable in theirs. I used to almost pass out if I had to talk in front of the class at school, eat a meal alone, do anything or go anywhere alone. You wouldn't believe some of the things I have done to force myself to be able to do these things and be relatively free of the fear of rejection or criticism. Let me know, and I will be happy to share my "exercises" with you.

I just wanted all of you who have this kind of difficulty to realize that just because some of those of us who are older have achieved some measure of success in dealing with any kind of social phobias, don't think for a moment that we take making those social connections more easily now for granted. It still requires work - even if we make it look easy to others.