Hey there, welcome to PC.

I'm sorry you're going through so much right now and really struggling emotionally. That's never very fun... It seems like most of your problems stem from low self-esteem, and you're allowing that to affect your relationship. One thing that popped out at me while reading your post was that both you and your girlfriend have been struggling with self confidence and your bodies. Why don't you guys try taking up some sort of physical activity you two can do together? Perhaps tennis, cycling, some sort of fitness class, or even just walking or running together. This will probably help lift your depression a little, allow you to get closer to your girlfriend, and help you both get in better shape. If you're interested in doing this, then I'd suggest saying to her "I'm trying to get into shape, and would like your support. Do you wanna go for a walk together?" (Basically, I wouldn't recommend saying "We both need to get in shape, lets go!" cause that might hurt her feelings. Us girls are sensitive about stuff like that).

Next, I think the two of you might benefit from a good conversation about how you're both feeling. Does she know youre depressed? Does she know that you love her and want to treat her better? Maybe if the two of you could have a frank (but gentle) discussion, it might get you thinking as to what you can do for her that would make you feel better.

Also, I understand about bringing up your girlfriend's past sex life. I do that with my boyfriend. I used to be worse, but i"ve gotten better. I finally had to tell myself that if my boyfriend wanted to leave me, he would have. But he hasn't. I also realized I needed to start thinking positively about our future. Lastly, I stopped thinking about my relationship so much. I'm staying busy with school and everything, so I dont have time to think negative thoughts. Try to get involved in various activities, keep your mind active, that way you won't be able to dwell on negative thinking. I know losing a job is really crappy, but maybe you can look for another. In this economy, it won't be easy. But, maybe at this time of year you'll be able to find some retail job getting ready for Christmas. Anything to help keep your mind active.

Trust issues are tough for any relationship. As long as your and your girlfriend are always honest and upfront with each other, the trust will slowly come back. You have to be patient, loving, and caring, though. When my boyfriend and I had some issues, we made a promise to each other. Just stating it really helped, just saying out loud "I promise to be forever only with you" really helped us. Even though that was over a year ago we needed to say that, I still ask him to say it from time to time if I'm feeling low. I dunno, hearing it.. It just helps.

I know this has been pretty general, and maybe not even much help, but I wanted you to know you're not alone. Hang in there. And remember, everyone here at PC is really nice and willing to help you as best as they can.

Best wishes,
Ro