Quote:
Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions
I don't usually post on this board - mostly on the psychotherapy board - but I figured this particular post didn't belong there.
Today, I officially became divorced from my husband of nearly 15 years.
Because of my ex-husband's (wow, it feels soooo uncomfortable saying EX - ugh) erratic and unpredictable behavior, and his inability to stay civil for long, my therapist has been stressing to me that I have to limit my contact with him - only to issues relating to visitation.
It's only been in the last week or so that I have stayed firm on this boundary.
Well, I just found out tonight from a neighbor of mine the whole story about an incident that occured a few months prior to our separation. Basically, my ex-husband was subtly hitting on her. I knew that, but we chalked it up to some medication issues because he was acting extremely erratic during that particular period - and he was doing things that were quite abnormal. It seemed like a little bit crossing the line of flirting....
Now that we are officially divorced, my neighbor felt compelled to tell me the entire story. My ex actually bought a kinky outfit and showed it to her - saying that he bought it for her to wear for him, and that they would need to plan it. OMG!!!! I CANNOT believe he did that, and I am SOOOO upset about it!
Of course, now I'm divorced and it shouldn't even be of concern - but I SO BADLY want HIM to KNOW that I KNOW.....
All of these months, he's been lashing out at me....then trying to get me to sleep with him....then telling me how much he loves me....trying to get me to stop the divorce from happening....then making threats...back and forth with the craziness....and now I learn THIS??!?!?!??!
I am just SO ANGRY and UPSET......
But then, there's my therapist in the back of my mind saying NO contact with him. And, of course, the fact that we are divorced makes it a moot point.
UGH. What should I do?
I guess I should bring it up with my therapist...but I won't be able to see him until next Thursday....except during group therapy on Tuesday. I guess I can bite my tongue that long to get feedback from him.
AAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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-Many things here:
Yes stay away - you broke the relationship, you closed the door. Keep it locked.
I know your heart wants to believe in the fairy tale or fantasy relationship that we thought we had. But once realizing it never was there will take a while to realize - but you someday will see.
I have been married 4 times each time I thought was better than the other, each time I thought I found Prince Charming. Each time my mind
and heart believed I had.
Each time I was slapped in the face when I opened my eyes and saw what was REALLY there.
It is still hard to not let go of what I thought was there..
BUT DARN IT - IT JUST NEVER WAS - It was only IN MY MIND, my mind developed it as a fanstasy relationship.
Now that you are finding out more and more - it is shocking, and still unbelieveable - I again know (been there)
Even still sometimes dream or think how it could of worked out.
Pretend to be in a boat with him (or whom ever you may met up with).
Both of you are suppose to be rowing. (Which means the relationship)
Pick up your rows - are you rowing it alone?
The sweet things that brought you and your EX together will be the same sweet things that he will continue to blind you with.
Move on dear one -
Think of him as a double tongued snake. What he does in front of you is not what he does behind you.
Sincerely Starlite*111
P.S. no body said things are easy - the lesson will continue to stay with us until we get it correct.