ElementalAlchemy,
It took courage for you to post with honesty and focus...thank you for sharing with us.
Many of us have months that are almost agonizing for us...anniversaries of events, etc.. It can be especially hard when there is a major holiday.

Have you talked with a therapist about this dread? It can be tremendously helpful...it's a lot for you to be working through alone.

Jme/jmo, but you do not have to celebrate Thanksgiving with your mother. If this arouses anger and anxiety then it is doing more harm than good.
Can you volunteer at a local mission serving dinner...or just say that you are and maybe you can get together next year.
I understand it's only part of what you dread about the month, but it would at least take away one of the heartaches.

Is there anyone in real life that can help you with the other things? Again, therapy can be of great help.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing...so many of us have walked the same path and are more than willing to walk with you.

In Peace