I'm so fed up with my thought patterns!!! It's so difficult to believe that my automatic thoughts on things could be wrong, I guess because I'm so used to that "negative tape" that it almost feels instinctual. Even with the lessening of my depression symptoms to nearly nothing, my thoughts still bother me.

For example, I am signed up with my university's career centre. I filled out a questionnaire on my interests and abilities, and every so often they send me information on possible jobs. I got one today for a youth panel for a marketing company that specifically targets the youth market, and it looks like SUCH a cool job and it would be really good on my resume. And all I can think is that it's going to be highly competitive to get into, I'm not qualified enough, my resume right now looks so pathetic, I wouldn't know what to say in a possible interview, it's just going to lead to a ton of stress for something I probably won't get ... It's the same thing if I wanted to join a club or society. My school has a French society (I'm a French student) that meets once a week in a local coffee shop for "French conversation mornings". I don't know most of the people in my classes this year because a lot of my classmates went on a year abroad so it would be nice to meet other French students. But I haven't been able to get up the courage to go because all I can think is that it's going to be awkward, I don't know how to have a casual conversation, my French skills are really rusty and not nearly as good as the people who just got back from their exchanges in France, I won't know anybody so I'll probably just wind up sitting by myself looking like an idiot ... The thoughts go round and round in my head and I can't stop them, even though I know they're not all rational, I know they're exaggerated, I know that I'm probably worrying over nothing and the world is not out to get me (even though it seems like it sometimes...) But I can't turn those thoughts off and it's ruining my life!!!