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lynn09 · Oct 16, 2009, 10:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by justfloating

I'm so fed up with my thought patterns!!! It's so difficult to believe that my automatic thoughts on things could be wrong, I guess because I'm so used to that "negative tape" that it almost feels instinctual. Even with the lessening of my depression symptoms to nearly nothing, my thoughts still bother me.

In part, that's true - but, they're not instinctual - we develop the habit of "listening" to that tape and validating the negative messages by allowing them to control our behavior.

Quote:

Originally Posted by justfloating

For example, I am signed up with my university's career centre. I filled out a questionnaire on my interests and abilities, and every so often they send me information on possible jobs. I got one today for a youth panel for a marketing company that specifically targets the youth market, and it looks like SUCH a cool job and it would be really good on my resume. And all I can think is that it's going to be highly competitive to get into, I'm not qualified enough, my resume right now looks so pathetic, I wouldn't know what to say in a possible interview, it's just going to lead to a ton of stress for something I probably won't get ...

And your negative messages are probably telling you that you don't deserve such a cool job, too - right? Since you're already creating the stress in anticipation of the stress involved in applying, why not do it anyway - what have you got to lose?

Quote:

Originally Posted by justfloating

It's the same thing if I wanted to join a club or society. My school has a French society (I'm a French student) that meets once a week in a local coffee shop for "French conversation mornings". I don't know most of the people in my classes this year because a lot of my classmates went on a year abroad so it would be nice to meet other French students. But I haven't been able to get up the courage to go because all I can think is that it's going to be awkward, I don't know how to have a casual conversation, my French skills are really rusty and not nearly as good as the people who just got back from their exchanges in France, I won't know anybody so I'll probably just wind up sitting by myself looking like an idiot ...

This is actually a good way for you to break the ice at the "French conversation morning" gatherings - let others know that your skills are rusty and you really need the practice and could use their help since you didn't have the opportunity to go abroad - you're there to learn, not perform. If they are all really that much more proficient at it than you, they'll probably welcome the opportunity to show off their skills by helping you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by justfloating

The thoughts go round and round in my head and I can't stop them, even though I know they're not all rational, I know they're exaggerated, I know that I'm probably worrying over nothing and the world is not out to get me (even though it seems like it sometimes...) But I can't turn those thoughts off and it's ruining my life!!!

I know how maddening those thoughts can be. I have fought those negative thoughts since I was a child (almost 60 y/o now). Over the years, I tried every technique I ever heard about - and still could not shut them up. The one "trick" that has worked for me is to just not to allow those thoughts to engage me in the conversation. In my case, those negative-message tapes were created by my family - day in and day out they lived to demean me - and I knew (hoped) that what they were saying wasn't true - and if they were true, then I was going to do whatever I could to make them untrue. I finally realized that I really don't respect my family members' opinions about me or much of anything else since their only purpose in saying those things to and about me was to inflict pain and damage on me so that they could feel superior, and I applied that viewpoint to the negative messages running in my head. I started answering back with dismissive comments, like, "BlahBlahBlah;" "You don't know what you're talking about;" "I don't care what you say, I'm going to do it anyway;" "Lalalalalalalalala - I can't hear you;" "I'm not listening, so you might as well shut up;" "Why should I listen to you? You're not my friend - you don't have my best interest at heart;" "You're not the boss of me;" "I don't care if I deserve it or not - I'm going to be happy anyway;" etc. I have been doing this for decades now, and those tapes don't run on a continuous loop anymore.

The only thing those thoughts want to do is criticize and hurt you - make you feel bad about yourself - keep you from being around people and doing things you enjoy and find fulfilling. It takes time, but you can replace the habit of "listening" with the habit of "rejecting" those thoughts. (((((justfloating))))) - those negative thoughts/messages may be your nemesis, but they need not be your master. Try to develop a technique that works for you - do not allow that nonsense to rob you of the life to which you are entitled whether those thoughts believe you deserve it or not.