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Oct 16, 2009, 02:32 PM
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Member Since: Sep 2009
Posts: 369
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You didn't mention how old you two are or your age on your profile, so realize I am winging it...
D (husband) and I have been together for over 12 years. His dad and I have butted heads repeatedly over the years. Even D's step-mom tried to get me to believe his dad was trying to convince him to break up with me so he could move in with his dad. (Um, needless to say, the FIL and his wife, #3 actually, are divorcing and he is staying with us right now...) The first time we REALLY clashed, D and I had been together about a year. I told him that I may not be who he would have chosen as his son's mate, but his son was a grown man (he was in his 30s then, I was 23 or so) and he makes his own decisions. Either he could accept that, or not. But if not, he needed to butt out of our lives and that meant any children we had together. (We have two daughters, 9 and 6).
Here's why that worked. My FIL is the type of man who until you stand up to him or back him into a corner, he doesn't respect you. (I am close with D's mom and with her having been married to my FIL for 12 years, she knows him well.) The FIL can be very manipulative. I know D well enough to know he makes his own decisions (we did nearly divorce almost 4 years ago). We are working on MANY issues, but his thoughts are his own. He tries not to have others influence his decisions just as I try the same.
Family dynamics are hard. It is especially hard for me to understand D's family as both his parents are on marriages #3 and his one and only sister (younger by 3 years) is on her second. My parents have been together 39 years and still very much in love. My sister (also my only sibling and younger by 3 years) divorced her husband earlier this year. (They met a month after D and I did). Stay true to you and take care of you. Ultimately the decision to stay together or not lies in him. You are committed, which is great. But the one who is willing to leave holds the power (lack of a better word). All you can do is love and support him, and hopes he makes the right decision for you both.
I know that wasn't all sunny and happy, but I hope it helps. You have support here! 
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