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I am going through something similiar with my mother in law. After 12 years of marriage she has suddenly made it clear that she doesn't like me. She has done all the bad mouthing about me. My husband loves his mother and he is not the kind of person that can deal with the stress of confrontation. With his mother, just standing up for himself or me is an act of confrontation, she doesn't know how to have an open minded and constructive discussion about differences of opinion.
Several months ago she told him she didn't want me coming to her home. When that happened a lot came out about all the nasty things she has said about me over the years. I don't want to be where I'm not wanted so it doesn't bother me to not go with him when he visits his mother. We've talked about it and he realizes he has a problem in dealing with his mother. He is supportive of me and says it's nothing wrong that I've done, his mother is just a difficult person to get along with. I accept that and don't push him about it.
As long as he is here for me when I need him, I don't bother him about his going to visit his mother once a month or so. He admits he doesn't even enjoy being with her or talking to her sometimes. But she's his mother and that is a strong bond. I understand that and try not to interfere with their relationship. So I would say to you, let them have their time together. Don't fight with him about her and the nasty things she says about you. Enjoy your time with him, don't make him feel like he has to choose. He is choosing to be with you. That he wants a relationship with his mother too is understandable. Try not to turn it into a power struggle, where he is in the middle between you and her.
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