I feel like absolute crap today! I am a couple of days away from my period that may or may not start (my period likes to play jokes on me!). Last night I had a horrible dream that left me feeling very disturbed when I woke up.

My brain is so sedated that I cannot function from the neck up. From the neck down I feel ok. I think I have to reduced the dosage of my anxiety medication.

I am considering asking my family doctor to prescribe me the birth control patch to reduce my PMS mood swings. I am scared to go on the patch because when I was on the pill I had terrible pounding head aches and bad chest pains.

I cannot say this enough today I feel like crap. My brain is of no use to me today, all I am doing is vegging out. I feel like a waste to society. I should be doing something more productive with my life. I like children don't get me wrong but I do not want to make my future career as a daycare worker. I must get accepted into this university program!!

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I sent someone I volunteered for off and on for a couple of years a Thanksgiving Day floral arrangement on Oct.7th. I have received no e-mail saying thank-you or that they received the flowers. I shouldn't be surprised by the lack of response from this person it usually takes 2 or 3 weeks to get a reply from the simplest e-mails. But still it makes me angry that I went to all this effort and money to send a floral arrangement and this person cannot even be bothered to send me a short thank-you e-mail! Maybe it's a subtle hint I shouldn't bother sending this person flowers...etc?

If someone sent me flowers I would reply asap with a big thank-you.

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I feel really stupid right now because my brain feels so sedated. I didn't over dose I only took the prescribed dosage because my anxiety spikes when I have PMS. When I don't have PMS I only need to take 2mgs instead of 6mgs of the anti-anxiety medication.

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I can barely function right now I am so upset and bent out of shape because of this application process at my university. On my account documents online it still reads "applied" not that the "program is evaluating".

This has got to gross you all out but I haven't had a shower in 2 days. This is how bad things have gotten for me. I don't seem to give a you know what about my personal health. Trust me I do not leave my home looking like this at all.

I feel so hopeless. I cannot even focus long enough to read my DBT & Bipolar Disorder workbook. I even told my new friend that goes to church all the time that I couldn't attend Saturday's service because of my PMS. She has terrible cramps when she has her period so I am hoping she will understand. I did give her 2-3 days notice that I wouldn't be attending. She doesn't know that I have Bipolar Disorder and PTSD. All she knows is that I take medication for a medical condition. And I don't want her to see me in such a negative state of mind/body due to PMS and the university thing. She is such a positive young lady (I am 10 years older than her) that I don't want every time we get together to be negative.

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On Saturday, I will reduce the dosage of my anxiety medication so I don't feel so awful.