(((((((Jmall))))))) Oh, you've got it bad!!! One thing that I've learned from dealing with recurring bouts of nasty depression is that the big D will do what ever it can to ensure that the downward sprial continues. It will discourage you from getting help for different reasons, and will denegrate the efforts you make to do so.

It is excellent that you have tried to talk to a therapist. It seems like a lot of folks, you have some ideas about therapists and caring. I work with people who do a lot of therapy for chronic pain patients and I can honestly tell you that they care, and not because the State here pays them so much for it. I've seen therapists get tears in their eyes reporting on a particular patient's background, and have heard them saying that they sometimes have trouble leaving the work at work. What you are paying for, Jmall is not the caring. That has to be there from the beginning or that professional should have never been a therapist. What you are paying for is the expertise and the work that no friend would be able to do for you because the type of relationship might be too close. Not the caring. That should come naturally.

As to your mom, give her a chance. You can make it clear to her that it is not her fault, or ask a therapist about how you can tell her (another thing therapists are good for). Depression has a way of tricking us into thinking that maintaining HIM will spare others. It's a way of sealing off all the exits. Your mom might be much stronger than you think, and she is an adult who deserves the respect of not being underestimated. If it were my son, you betcha I'd want to know.

Hang in there. I know for a fact that stupid people don't get that good at computer games, so that it means that you actually are no failure when certain qualities like reaction time, focus, problemsolving, strategy and such are involved. What's wrong is that it is hard for you to use these qualities right now, but you are not a failure! That's a lie from depression! He's told me that too! Keep posting and let us know how it foes, OK?