(((((leacon)))))) Try to think of yourself the way that your father would. It's so hard to not burn if that has helped you manage the feelings before, but I am sure that he would not want you to. The feelings you have are horrible to bear, dear. They are also normal. I went down that frightening road when my father was falsely diagnosed with Lou Gerig's disease when I was a teenager. There is just no describing that abyss that opened up. I know others who actually made it across and to the other side.(we never had to, thank God) At some point, leacon we all go through it, but now it is your turn. Don't play down your pain, but know that if you love your dad, you will feel it. It is a sign of health, even though it hurts. Take very good care of yourself, and whatever you do, do not abuse yourself! You are too precious for that!