Stay with it, Berries. You don't "deserve" this illness any more than the rest of us do, or any more than a diabetic, a cancer patient or a burn victim deserve what happens to them. Call it bum luck, call it genetic poker, whatever, but don't call it a punishment or "fate" in that you have to lie down and roll in it. Depression wants to continue, and he will say whatever it takes to beat you. You are not obligated to do what he wants!!!!! Say after me: I am not obligated to suffer so Depression can be happy. One more time. The big D is not your friend. Inspite of what he might tell you, he's not God's either, so that angle can be scrapped

Ok, I know I am hypomanic right now, and for me that means spoiling for a fight, but it's not with you, berries, it's with the thing that is trying to make you take part in hurting yourself. Every time I see such a warm, caring, giving person start down that route, I ... never mind, dear. You are worth so much better, and I really, really hope you stick with it, even if the feeling that you should stop can feel overwhelming. That's why we're here, to help you carry the load. And I for one do so gladly. Take goodcare of yourself.