This is coming from someone who has made multiple attempts to end it all.

I succeeded once and they brought me back. I was so deep in self hatred. I had very low self esteem. I didn't think that I had anything left to offer the world. I altered my kids mental states with this behavior. They felt for years that they were responsible for me feeling this way. As much as i assured them that it wasn't them, they still felt that way. By being selfish and only thinking of my own bubble and not what would be effected when it bursts I damaged every relationship in my life. It's been 7 years since my last attempt and I'm still repairing some relationships. Please think about who else would be effected by leaving for good. I hope you find it in yourself to seek live professional help for these feelings you are having. Get well soon and thanks for sharing.