I feel that I I feel that I can not do what I should be able to do for my parents. I know that physically and emotionally I am not up to spending a lot of time with my parents. Emotionally I am struggling to keep my head above water. I feel inadequate to deal with my father's cancer. I want to be able to allow my parents to lean on me. My sisters I think expect me to be the person who they can depend on to be there for my parents to lean on. Because I am not that person, I feel guilt and shame. That is the root of my need to burn. Also, I spend most of my time alone except for contact with my parents, T, and pdoc. I am losing one of those contacts. I feel more alone thus more depressed. The rain outside is not helping either. I want scream yell and burn.