I went to see my pdoc for first time on friday and I really didn't like him!!!! I could barley understand him and he could barely understand me!!! He asked me lots of questions about my family life and growing up. like how many brothers and sisters i have and he just didn't get the fact that even though I have 2 half brothers, 1 from my mum and 1 from my dad that they were my real brothers, he kept saying 'so you have 3 brothers?' and i was like 'no i have 5!!!' it really annoyed me and he laughed and thought it funny that my dad has married a man!!! I don't find this a laughing matter!!!
I kept trying to explain my moods to him, that sometimes i'm over elated and can't concentrate and have racing thoughts, but he just wasn't listening. He asked if there was any one in the family with depression and I told him I didn't know and so kept asking where, if no one else in the family had committed suicide, had I got the idea from!!! and he blamed my depression on my parents divorce and my Dad marrying a man!!! I know that this hasn't been easy but its not the reason why i'm depressed!! I couldn't tell him about the CSA because I felt so uncomfortable and now he thinks i'm just a waste of space, depressed for not a good enough reason!!! The thing is now I don't wanna go back to see him because he just doesn't listen! Noone listens!!!! I can't get through to ppl what is going on in my head!!! they just don't seem to get the fact that i'm not always down and depressed but my mood changes so often its so unpredictable!!! It can change from week to week. sometimes i can be depressed for weeks and then all of a sudden it can change and I have so much energy and I don't sleep and I can't think or concentrate on normal conversation and talk rapidly about nonsense!!

I'm emotionally, mentally and physically tired!!! but no one seems to listen and now i'm fed up and just can't be bothered!! I've lost my best friend, she don't seem to wanna know me any more and a friend who seemed to want to help me and said she'd listen if I needed to chat, doesn't actually seem to want to!!
So here I am with no one sorry for the ranting I am just so frustrated that i needed to get it all out. Thanks for reading!