Quote:
Originally Posted by leacon
I feel that I I feel that I can not do what I should be able to do for my parents. I know that physically and emotionally I am not up to spending a lot of time with my parents. Emotionally I am struggling to keep my head above water. I feel inadequate to deal with my father's cancer. I want to be able to allow my parents to lean on me. My sisters I think expect me to be the person who they can depend on to be there for my parents to lean on. Because I am not that person, I feel guilt and shame. That is the root of my need to burn. Also, I spend most of my time alone except for contact with my parents, T, and pdoc. I am losing one of those contacts. I feel more alone thus more depressed. The rain outside is not helping either. I want scream yell and burn.
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Hi Lea,
I want to lend you some compassion. My Mother-in-law is terminally ill and severly handicapped. My father-in-law has chronic TIAs (strokes) and severe mental illness. My husband and I are left entirely responsible for them and their well being. I truly relate to the pressure. Last year my mother in law had to go into a nursing home permanently and I had to single handedly figure out a way to fund the $5000 a month cost, because they had no money and we didn't have that kind of money. It was a year of fighting with medicaid and other agencies trying to get her covered to get the care she needs.
Anyway I totally relate. It can feel overwhelming to feel responsible for our parents. But in my experience it worked out. The main thing for me was to have acceptance that I really didn't have any control over the situation. And that I could only do my best. I had to accept that I might not be able to help them. Sometimes just "suiting up and showing up" for life was all I could do. And that was enough. I realized I didn't have to be a super hero and that just being myself and having compassion for my inlaws was enough. Also, for me, reaching out to get support was really helpful. Because I too felt alone.
Best wishes
