(((leacon))) I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Honey, no one is prepared to deal with severe illness. NO matter how old you are or who you are, something like this will bring you right to your knees and make you return to a five year old wanting mom/dad to fix this. Anyone that appears to deal with this any better is just really good at putting on a facade.

We are very often our own worst critic. Rarely do other people expect of us as much as they think they do. All you can do at this point is love them them the best way you can. There is no "wrong" thing in this situation. We all deal with things differently. Those amazing people that seem to be able to cope with everything, do all the right things and have it all together, when they're alone, they're feeling exactly the same thing you are.

If your family appears to be lashing out, please don't take it personally, it's just their way of coping.