Thanks, everyone....

I feel awful about disclosing this stuff to T. I worry that he will think less of me. He feels that the tough part is over, yet here I am feeling so incredibly down.

Considering my divorce was only a couple days ago, I am thinking that it's not unusual to feel so down.

I just wonder when I'm going to feel better. Every day, I have that sinking awful feeling. I told T in my last session that for the last week, as I am falling asleep, I keep having repeating thoughts of getting hit by a car...and it's not tragic or scary. It's comforting.

He wanted to know if it fit with what I've been feeling. I told him I didn't know. He suggested that I explore whether or not I feel that the only way I'll get relief is by being non-existent. I told him that I hoped that wasn't the case.

I guess I'm just feeling a bit hopeless at the moment. Lonely. The last year has been grueling, and now that the divorce is over - I feel as though the road to feeling better is still so far away.

Ugh.

BTW, my daughter is 8 years old - and she means the world to me. When I am with her, we snuggle and laugh so much of the time. We are silly and affectionate. Most times, I am genuine...other times, I struggle to give her that same level of affection even when I'm feeling down. Sometimes, I just can't....and it's those times that I try to be sure that she is with her dad, or some friends, etc. I manage it the best way I can, and she's doing awesome. She is everything I could ever want in a child. Funny, witty, sweet, loving, smart, beautiful...I wish she'd clean up her room, LOL...but I can't complain.