((((((((Berries)))))))
I am so sorry you are having such a hard time with these intrusive thoughts. I know that sometimes when I get really depressed it seems like there is nothing I can do to pull/push/drag my mind away from the negative thoughts. I am sad to say that I don't know what the solution is. But we are here for you! You say that you have an appointment in two weeks with your pdoc. Do you have an appointment with your T before that? I hope so. I also agree that you should call your pdoc to find out what the plan is. Please take care of yourself.