I have felt this way too, about learning to use therapy to heal. It has been a learning process and I really cast about a lot at first ("explored" is perhaps too purposeful and functional sounding for my experience ). It took a while to learn how I could use therapy and my therapist to heal. Here this thing is before me that he offers, what I am going to do with it? What can I do with it? How can I use him to heal? I think people who have been in therapy before and go to a new therapist don't have to go through this whole learning curve again. They are better able to hit the ground running and make use of therapy to heal and progress. I don't think I learned any of this with my first therapist (my current T is my second). Now, if I went to therapy with a new person (God forbid ), I think I would be much more able to use it well. Kind of like learning to ride a bicycle--once you know, you never really forget.