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I can’t make up my mind, which is very normal in my life.
DID Psychologist (been publishing articles/books on the subject since the late 70s)
Disclaimer: This is how I remember the conversation. With my memory, there are probably inaccuracies.
She was very knowledgeable, and the internal frenzy felt less frenzied when I left. In fact, during the session she asked, “Do you know how many I’ve talked to since you’ve been here?” I said “no,” and then went back and forth about whether I wanted her to tell me. She finally said about four and described them. Interestingly, she mentioned one that I had a feeling was there but was unsure about: a smart a@* teenager type.
The connection I felt was from the smart a*@ side, who enjoyed playing a tennis match of words with her. I did not, though, feel like she could be someone I could open up to on the deeper issues and hard memories.
Her approach, as she explained, would be system work first, and then trauma work. I told her that I had already interviewed a trauma T and really felt a connection, so I asked her what difference I might expect between the two when it comes to treatment. She said:
1. Non-DID/Dissociative savvy trauma Ts will be more quick to diagnose something other than DID.
2. She also said that they will usually skip the internal system work because they don’t know how to assist there. I asked if the end result would be the same. She said eventually it would all work out, especially if I’m attuned to the internal system and am doing that work myself.
3. She also said that approaching the trauma from the system’s parts allows me to form a narrative. I asked if it’s necessary to form a “narrative” over just addressing the memories one-by-one without trying to piece them together from various parts. She said it’s not necessary.
Regarding the length of time this will take, she said average is 3-5 years. However, we both agreed that my life is very stable (great partner, great job, able to afford treatment, already working on eating disorder, etc.), so there’s no need to devote a lot of time to that in the beginning.
In the end she offered me an additional business card in case I’d like the trauma T to call her about our meeting.
Trauma T (Psychologist in practice for 30+ years)
I can’t believe how much info I let out in the first session. She asked and we were comfortable answering most questions.
Internally, everyone knows that she will take each memory, every detail, and hold it tenderly and just at the right distance for all of us as we work through it. She will not judge, she will listen, and she will care. Eventually, we will open up doors, spaces, drawers, and everything bad and dark to her. We will invite her in, and we will be comforted that she is sitting next to us as we process it all.
Additionally, just as important as the trauma work is finding a way spiritually (since much of the abuse came from that area in my life), and her presentation about addressing the spiritual aspect far exceeded the DID expert in this area.
She said she’d like to work with me and that if I decided upon her, that she would need to do a further assessment to ensure that she could help me in view of her not working with DDs previously.
Everyone, with the exception of the teenager and whoever’s been doing all the DID research over the past four months, is screaming for this one.
Interestingly, the primary part that was “interviewing” her was very cold during the meeting. She even asked jokingly, “Are you from the state’s Board of Psychology?”
Finally, I’ve given some thought to the possibility of working with both; yet, the DID expert asked me at the beginning if I was still working with the eating disorder specialist. I said no, and she said it’s best to work with one person through this. So I never went back and asked later about her thoughts of working with me on system while I work with the trauma T on trauma. And I’m not sure it’s possible to separate the two or if I’d want to work with two at the same time.
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