I find I frequently think about su but in a passive way eg I think about how I would, mentally compose a note and organize funeral arrangements...but the key is this is a passive thing. it's distressing but doesn't concern pdoc cos it's a passive desire to not exist with no actual intention to do anything. Very rarely does it actually become an active desire to not be here anymore. Maybe 3 times in the last 2yrs. That's when I get worried cos I'm crawling the walls, very very agitated, that I might impulsively do something permenant against my usually-better judgement.
Anyway the point of my waffle, thinking about su not bad or dangerous, though distressing, while actively wanting to do something to die is the time to get some outside help. I also think this is a very good topic as these thoughts are very common in depression and frequently have nothing to do with the actual act. It's important to have an outlet for these thoughts where u know the other person isn't going to freak out thinking u intend to carry out ur thoughts.

*Willow*