Spotted Owl- Thank you for what you have written. I will, again, bring up my recent experince with the therapist who I left. She refused to be flexible, she refused to change her tough stance with me, she was rigid and defensive when confronted, and although she never said it to me, I know her attitude toward her patients is, "if my approach doesnt work for you, find another provider."

On the one hand, yes, if you dont work, I will find someone else. On the other hand, I left because she absolutely refused to take that hard look at why she refused to change her attitude for a patient she liked and needed her help. She never asked me what she could do differently to help me. Never. Because she knew she wasnt about to do anything differently. And what resulted was fueling the fire. I felt like a "bad" patient, too needy, too immature, I was re-experienced the invalidating environment I grew up with, I was almost always suicidal and SIing, and my ED was out of control. So, where was the healing with someone who wanted her way or the highway? I dont doubt that she wanted to work with me. HER WAY. And she wanted me to heal, HER WAY.

Her treatment approach was to tell me what to do....and question me in the following session...did I do this or that with food, if I didnt, why am I complaining? There was no discussion of how it feels to be stuck or what might be in the way of me stopping hurting myself with food. Do this, do that, if not, what could you have to discuss?

It is very possible that I was re-traumatized in therapy with her, I dont like to think of it that way b/c it just sounds too dramatic. But, the truth is, I am working on the horrible feelings I have left over from treatment with her. And the difficulty I have bringing things up with my new t for fear of getting a dt kind of reaction.