Quote:
Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions
Why do I feel as though I prefer the obstacle...even with all the negativity and destruction, it was a welcomed distraction. 
I am having a rough morning. I was hoping today would be a better day. I just dropped my daughter off to CCD and am bawling my eyes out....
Listening to a song, really loud.....and thinking about my dad. Although he was abusive when I was younger, he was a wonderful person as an adult - and we were so close - so I'm so conflicted about it all....and he passed away 2-1/2 years ago, and I still feel like I haven't dealt with it all.
The lyrics.....as I imagine my dad in that casket...."Let me feel your heavy hand...I will clean your F-N mess and leave no trace of evidence......I am losing you again, let me out and let me in...cuz you're not alone here, not at all, let me belong here, break my fall".....I am a mess today. |
Oh, MUE! ((((((MUE))))) MY heart is breaking for you. I am so sorry about your dad. I know the feeling of loving him though he was abusive. I have not dealt in therapy at all, AT ALL with the death of my father. It was very sad how he died, he lived on the other side of the country from me, and I have not even wanted to talk about it in therapy. Though I think I will eventually.
I also prefer the obstacles. I guess b/c they are obstacles. And I dont have to deal with anything deeply painful, current pain is bad, but not like re-experiencing childhood pain. On some level, we know that and stick to the obstacles. I stick to do-able pain.
I am holding while you cry....I am so sorry......I feel like we should sit and cry on each other's shoulders.....
And I do the same thing when I feel like that. I listen to loud music that I can relate to. Loud in the car. What song is that?
((((MUE
))))
When is your next t appt?